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Aug. 6th, 2007 05:48 pm ANYTHING TO SEE YOU SMILE...

Lindsey, this was (obviously) inspired by your wonderful username. 
Just some thoughts of mine... :) 
Congratulations by the way! When's the date??


If only echoes could resound with more clarity, and bounce off the walls without being so scared to see the impact they have. If only echoes could command me and cease stabbing my ears with worthless verbal flattery. I'm a man to be, so if only etched in my mind is that echoes cannot fly, then what's there to deny that I won't become one over time? It might be confusing, but if only echoes could lie, they'd try to convince their prototype that they don't mind where they are in line, just so long as it starts things out strong, and makes sure everyone's exactly where they belong. But if echoes could talk, they'd drown themselves out, and their purpose would change. They'd exist somewhere else. They would bank on the freedom that would take them past needing the ones who initiated their being. So instead of testing possibilities with hypothetical hyperboles, why don't we just guess and taste the probable ways that one can change the messed up placement of his or her 'if only echoes' phase?

Current Location: mi casa
Current Mood: thankfulthankful
Current Music: D HADDY

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Jun. 29th, 2007 07:57 pm LIGHT KNEEING...

There was a time when I absolutely reveled in writing. I wasn't merely fascinated in just the act of writing, but rather was enthralled and nearly sustained by the smear of words on a page, by the seemingly magical touch of a pen on paper or fingers on a keyboard, by the simple yet profound way letters form words to form sentences to form thoughts to transform one's mind about and through a matter or two. I was captivated by the imaginary and felt thoroughly involved in the spreading of ideas in a solitary moment of written expression. I actually found myself feeling more valuable, more accepted in a way, due to my ability in and passion for writing. Its bareness and raw aspects invited me to shed some layers in vulnerability and truly attempt to convey what I was thinking through the window of my feelings; and the fact that I opened a couple of those windows in order to allow the breeze to flow more freely had made my confidence grow and my mind develop. It was truly and fantasticly wonderful. 

However, nowadays, I don't care as much. That seems a bit loaded. More definitively, I don't seek my identity in writing anymore. It no longer defines me as much. Rather, I use it to identify with others, and define it with what I know to be true about me. It's a bothersome intricacy to explain, but I know what I mean; I know how closely knit my feelings and thoughts are, and where I've found a balance between my living and writing. I find myself just writing to write these days, not writing to say something extraordinarily special or wise or life-changing. Of course, I'll pen poetry and such in a fashion that may cause one to assume I'm doing so to impress or something of the sort... but I don't mind if that happens. I know it's from inside my heart and head, and not a facade or masquerade to hide behind. I'm comfortable in my writing, even when it's not very good...

More later?
Meh, probably not.
I love you guys.

Current Location: mi casa
Current Mood: hungryhungry
Current Music: Michael Jones & David Darling~ Dreamlight

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May. 17th, 2007 10:12 pm JUXTAPOSITION!!!

Beyond the time that flies lies the time that dies; the time that tries but fails to affect the mind. It escapes but for an instant, not realizing it is confined and restricted by the hand that designs. I must begin to 
cross that line, 
the one that separates the reality and the reality deferred, the one the Spirit has set up and guards with divine purpose. 

It's obscured-- 
which despises the fight, the obligation to hold on and hold back the bursting shine that comes from beyond the enemy's line. 
I am desperate for that elusive brightness. 
It feeds my mind, soul, heart, body, strength, spirit, friendships, everything and anything that surrounds my life. Those touched by it don't know they beg for more with each sigh, with each uncertain guess as to what's eating their insides. 

It seems it's time to start ignoring time and face the kind of light that only true glory shines forth. I no longer wish to be bored. I no more desire wings with which to fly than I do true beauty disguised as a smile from a child. 

It's bewildering sometimes, 
to taste the most authentic sweetness in the history of time, 
to touch the most significant freedom that's ever been ignited, 
to feel the best hope that can be imagined by a human mind, 
to hear the musical voices of both the Spirit and those who fly on the waves of His wind: 
angels of the most high. 

I'm tired and sick of not being tried nor having any opposition and persecution and degradation with which to battle then die, in nearly every sense of the concept. 

I try 
to convey 
what's inside 
with words 
that rhyme, but sometimes I just want to stop and have a few lines that don't rhyme with the previous one or two. But as lame as writing is to be that through which I articulate my thoughts, it is a wonder and a blessing, something I'll never take for granted as long as I'm alive: and trust me-- that will be a long, long 
that is, if I can even begin to understand what that word means. 


Current Location: mi casa
Current Mood: restlessrestless
Current Music: David Lanz & Charles Suniga

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May. 9th, 2007 01:23 am RUBBERBANDS IN HANDS.....

I've been neglecting this which has been so good to me in the past. I've always liked paper, but there were times when I just wanted to type things and have others read it; also, to read about others was usually thrilling. So I haven't written on here anything for real in quite a while. Oh well, right? I just thought I'd get on and babble. I kinda wanna write about roses for some reasons, metaphorically, symbollically, figuratively, etc, etc............... literally.

I also want to write about all that I've been learning and how I've been growing and maturing and developing into a man... an actual man, not just some dude who's getting older and has to be called a man for obligation's sake. It's truly exhilarating to experience this dirt and soot and gravel that's slowly coming together to form a narrow road to walk on. 

I dug out my Whittier College spring concert cd a couple days ago-- that was nice. I like listening to my solo, and then hearing Janis and Lill on the next track, then skipping to what I believe to be one of the greatest choral pieces ever written: There Will Be Rest. Ah! So frickin beautiful! To sing it was phenomenal every single time. I liked that year... a lot!

I need to start exercising more... especially crunches. No me gusta la pudge... hah... ha.

I talked to Goose a few days ago. Gosh, I loved that! We only got to chat for about 15-20 min or so, and about only a few topics... but it was fantastic to catch up somewhat nonetheless. I love that girl. So much.

Randy and I had an incredible time together last week... lots of growth and teaching and learning on both ends. Fabulous fellowship with him. Thank God for him; he's one of... like... 3 (THREE!) people I can actually fully express and share my thoughts and true beliefs with without a disagreement/argument/disapproval. He, Clark, and Corry are they. Anyhoo...

What to say, what to say.....

I'm gettin ready for a war. 
Not there yet...
But God's preparing me.
I wanna fight.

If you can get your hands on a copy of The Final Quest, read it... asap.

Jesus loves you so much.

There's nothing like His love.



Current Location: mi casa
Current Mood: doin pretty well
Current Music: Lifescapes~ Calming Sea (piano & ocean = b-e-a-utiful!)

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Mar. 20th, 2007 03:00 am I'LL BE WAITING...


Will Souljahz EVER release another album?? Or are they just gunna stick to the gem they laid down back in... frickin 2002??? What's goin ON?! 

Goose, wanna help me out on this one? :)

Current Location: house
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Elliott Yamin~ Wait For You

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Feb. 22nd, 2007 12:17 am UNO MOMENTO...

Aight, got another one for yall. Please answer (Goose)!

IF YOU COULD HAVE FIVE (5) PEOPLE OVER FOR DINNER, PAST OR PRESENT, WHO WOULD THEY BE?? (If you want some bonus points and feel you could use them--Goose--then you could even tell me WHY you chose the 5 you did.)

Thanks for reading, thanks for deciding.

ps-- For those of you who have believed on Him as your Savior, Jesus Christ cannot be on the list. Ha! :)

Current Location: mi casa
Current Mood: fullfull
Current Music: 7 Day Jesus~ Down the Ship

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Feb. 18th, 2007 04:16 am KILLING THE CAT.....

I would like everybody to give much thought to and answer this very tough hypothetical-situation query:

If you were stuck on a deserted island, which FOUR (4) CD's would you have to have with you? Only four, people! (And it should be assumed that you would have a discman in which to play them.)

Have at it, folks..... please.


Current Location: mi casa
Current Mood: curiouscurious
Current Music: India.Arie~ Wings of Forgiveness

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Jan. 12th, 2007 02:20 am STRANDED...

I have so much to share. 

Everyone does. 

I long to dig deep and deeper still to pull up and produce that which is ultimately the inexpressible, yet inextinguishable within. Honestly, there are thoughts even some of the most talented of writers put down on paper that people cannot truly and fully understand. And the fault is not with the reader; nor is it with the writer. It subsists in the concepts, the feelings, the sensations, the ideas, the considerations, the meditations and thoughts that seemingly unfortunately belong only within the depths of the heart of the person holding onto them and yearning to let others enjoy them as well. I pray that one day, hopefully sooner than later, you all will be able to clearly hear the melody of my heart. Trust me--as I know this about yours also--it is a gloriously beautiful sound. Let us listen earnestly and passionately and lovingly as to shake and break open the wide and powerful foundation we haven't cracked yet: Unity.


I was going to stop there and leave it at that, but I believe that some reading this will look at that word, then think of the world and its race's state, and pass Unity over like a fairytale in some far-off unreachable land, thus the mere thought signifying my point about our failure--or, rather, lack of effort--in attaining true unity. Is it not conceivable to accept that the very person whom you dislike or disagree with begets the same or similar nuances of disdain and coarseness that you put forth and think right and even respectable when talking or interacting with him or her? Therefore, if reason is to be used correctly, you and he or she are very much alike and on the same plain without realization of correspondence. Assuredly, once your likeness is realized, IF it's realized, you can shake hands and hug and love one another as two instruments finally playing the same verse rather than different parts of the one song you both were desperately trying to figure out on your own. 

I really don't want to sound fanciful in my thinking or writing, for I believe false hope, even though titled as 'hope', is pathetic and dangerous and obviously misleading. I want to attempt to portray some of my heart's tune, some of my true beliefs that prayerfully one or some of you can latch onto, and ride out the rest of this gorgeous and crazy journey with them attached to your soul and subsequently your words and actions. 

Maybe the road looks bleak right now, its terrain treacherous and indefinite. Maybe you know that strolling down anything better than what you're walking on right now simply is idealism, and glaringly out of reach, like the distant view of and feelings instilled by the beauty and appeal of the skyscrapers and rest of the city when sitting in the gutter of a ghetto. Maybe you know, without an inkling of doubt,  that with more people by your side, carrying your baggage, supplying your food and water, encouraging and uplifting and reinforcing you step by step, the inaccessible road may, brick by brick, open up. 

The restrictions that keep us from growth, from success, from progress, from understanding; that bind us, hold us back, wound us; that create strife, inconsistency, heartache; that take captive our minds, relationships, sense of freedom-- those restrictions have been constructed by our own hands... the hands we use to point at whom we hold responsible for the indecent conduct the "guilty" party calls their attempt at goodness. We're running out of fingers to point. Through that doorway, we'll soon all be isolated, wandering foreigners obligated to be around and work with each other, estranging one another by mere glances and consequently accomplishing nothing but decent pay checks and empty households. Where is the strength so many claim to have that can admit failure but not defeat, extending a hand out not in accusation but in repentance and vulnerability and an honest hope for acceptance and forgiveness? And standing across from him or her, where is the humility that can refuse to puff out the chest and exude superiority when one screws up, not smiling with spiteful laughter in the face of the meek acquaintance, but rather smiling with gratefulness, admiration, and a 'been-there-done-that kind' of understanding? 

Seeing the person next to you, even him or her whom you dislike or may even think you feel hatred for (which is generated by ignorance and misunderstanding)-- seeing him or her as a sheer human being, as an absolutely beautiful creation who came from the womb as you did and breathes the same air as you breathe and bleeds red just like you do and who might think very differently than you do but who thinks nonetheless-- seeing him or her as that creature who responds and interacts and moves and blinks and eats and walks and sleeps and awakes in an extremely similar fashion to you-- seeing him or her as a PERSON who laughs and weeps and feels and fears and loves-- this sight captured by your mind's eye is the beginning of unity. 

When you begin thinking of the other person(s) in the bright, positive light like the aforementioned, you will have chosen, even if briefly, to cease your thoughts of yourself. Unity is sacrifice. It is selflessness. Unity begins within like a rumbling underneath the crust of the earth before a volcano becomes active, trickles out first through your words like water seeping through cracks in a wall, spreads to your actions like gangrene, and gently touches somebody else even if he or she is not expecting it like an abrupt gust of wind on a 100 degree day. Unity is attainable. It truly is, just as it is possible for 200 people with their respective instruments to gather together, form an orchestra, and create the sound of beauty and perfection this side of Heaven. We can produce that sound; we seriously can write and play that song. We just have to keep listening to each other to get in tune, keep on the right page and with the tempo, and keep our eyes on the Maestro. 


Wow-- a lot longer than I thought it'd be. I applaud you if you made it here. :)

Take care now, bye bye then!


Current Mood: refreshedrefreshed
Current Music: Jason Upton!!!!!

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Jan. 9th, 2007 02:29 am JELLY DONUTS!!!!!

Here's the annual first-sentence-every-month-the-previous-year entry I can't stray from...


Apparently, a thousand words mean less than what silence can create upon the instance of measured failure.

Between rhythm and rhyme, the quest for controllable time doesn't seem quite adequate in its fine attempts for the impossible find.

I freakin hate that I've been spending more time on Myspace than on here.

I love accuracy, especially when that which is read and understood was written by me.

The enemy cannot trap and bind the believer who knows and walks in the authority he or she has in Jesus Christ.

It's SO freakin good to be back out on the court again.

Your face is sketched into my mind, and your mind is etched into mine as we search for eternal sunshine.

For dark is light to you, the depths are height to you, far is near, but Lord I need to hear from you.

Hi Blair.

Just an excerpt from a short and simple (ha!) convo w/ Goose...

Not really the update i had in mind, but oh well. Thanks Jodi.

(This is something I've given MUCH thought to but never put to words before. Thanks, Yann Martel.)

Well there you have it! Wasn't that exhilarating??? :) Hm, that's actually a pretty good year in review... I like it, at least.

Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Still Life~ John Artis (Hurricane soundtrack)

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Dec. 14th, 2006 02:01 am STILL I'M HAVIN MEMORIES...

(Just a small yet extraordinary excerpt from one of Lewis' works)

In speaking of this desire for our own far-off country (Heaven), which we find in ourselves even now, I feel a certain shyness. I am almost committing an indecency. I am trying to rip open the inconsolable secret in each one of you—the secret which hurts so much that you take your revenge on it by calling it names like Nostalgia and Romanticism and Adolescence; the secret also which pierces with such sweetness that when, in very intimate conversation, the mention of it becomes imminent, we grow awkward and affect to laugh at ourselves; the secret we cannot hide and cannot tell, though we desire to do both. We cannot tell it because it is a desire for something that has never actually appeared in our experience. We cannot hide it because our experience is constantly suggesting it, and we betray ourselves like lovers at the mention of a name. 
Our commonest expedient is to call it beauty and behave as if that had settled the matter. Wordsworth’s expedient was to identify it with certain moments in his own past. But all this is a cheat. If Wordsworth had gone back to those moments in the past, he would not have found the thing itself, but only the reminder of it; what he remembered would turn out to be itself a remembering. The books or the music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing. These things—the beauty, the memory of our own past—are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited. 
Do you think I am trying to weave a spell? Perhaps I am; but remember your fairy tales. Spells are used for breaking  enchantments as well as for inducing them. And you and I have need of the strongest spell that can be found to wake us from the evil enchantment of worldliness which has been laid upon us for nearly a hundred years. 
Almost our whole education has been directed to silencing this shy, persistent, inner voice; almost all our modem philosophies have been devised to convince us that the good of man is to be found on this earth. And yet it is a remarkable thing that such philosophies of Progress or Creative Evolution themselves bear reluctant witness to the truth that our real goal is elsewhere. When they want to convince you that earth is your home, notice how they set about it. They begin by trying to persuade you that earth can be made into heaven, thus giving a sop to your sense of exile in earth as it is. Next, they tell you that this fortunate event is still a good way off in the future, thus giving a sop to your knowledge that the fatherland is not here and now. Finally, lest your longing for the transtemporal should awake and spoil the whole affair, they use any rhetoric that comes to hand to keep out of your mind the recollection that even if all the happiness they promised could come to man on earth, yet still each generation would lose it by death, including the last generation of all, and the whole story would be nothing, not even a story, for ever and ever.

~The Weight of Glory

Current Location: mi casa, as usual.
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: just a sick hip hop mix... Fredro Starr, Em, Bone, Dead Prez

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Dec. 4th, 2006 01:22 am ...JUST TO FIND WHAT WAS HERE IN MY HEART ALL ALONG...

(This is something I've given MUCH thought to but never put to words before. Thanks, Yann Martel.)

I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind, always. One moment you are feeling calm, self-possessed, happy. Then fear, disguised in the garb of mild-mannered doubt, slips into your mind like a spy. Doubt meets disbelief and disbelief tries to push it out. But disbelief is a poorly armed foot soldier. Doubt does away with it with little trouble. You become anxious. Reason comes to do battle for you. You are reassured. Reason is fully equipped with the latest weapons technology. But, to your amazement, despite superior tactics and a number of undeniable victories, reason is laid low. You feel yourself weakening, wavering. Your anxiety becomes dread.

Fear next turns fully to your body, which is already aware that something terribly wrong is going on. Already your lungs have flown away like a bird and and your guts have slithered away like a snake. Now your tongue drops dead like an opossum, while your jaw begins to gallop on the spot. Your ears go deaf. Your muscles begin to shiver as if they had malaria and your knees shake as though they were dancing. Your heart strains too hard, while your sphincter relaxes too much. And so with the rest of your body. Every part of you, in the manner most suited to it, falls apart. Only your eyes work well. They always pay proper attention to fear. 

Quickly you make rash decisions. You dismiss your allies: hope and trust. There, you've defeated yourself. Fear, which is but an impression, has triumphed over you. 

The matter is difficult to put into words. For fear, real fear, such as shakes you to your foundation, such as you feel when you are brought face to face with your mortal end, nestles in your memory like a gangrene: it seeks to rot everything, even the words with which to speak of it. So you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don't, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you. 

~Life of Pi

Current Mood: complacentcomplacent
Current Music: India.Arie~ 'Testimony'

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Nov. 30th, 2006 01:59 am SIS...

Not really the LJ update i had in mind, but oh well. Thanks Jodi. 

Go to http://popculturemadness.com and find the Greatest USA Hits of the year you turned 18.
Select the first 50.
Bold the ones you like.
Strike out the ones you hate.
Italicize the ones you are familiar with but neither like nor hate.
Leave the ones you don't know as is. 

1. Crazy In Love - Beyonce Featuring Jay-Z
2. Hey Ya! - OutKast
3. Get Low - Lil Jon & The Eastside Boyz Featuring Ying Yang Twins
4. Stacy's Mom - Fountains Of Wayne
5. Me Against the Music - Britney Spears Featuring Madonna
6. Baby Boy - Beyonce Featuring Sean Paul

7. Shake ya Tailfeather - Nelly, P. Diddy & Murphy Lee
8. Right Thurr - Chingy
9. Headstrong - Trapt

10. Where is the Love? - Black Eyed Peas
11. In Da Club - 50 Cent
12. Miss Independent - Kelly Clarkson
13. Stand Up - Ludacris Featuring Shawnna
14. Big Yellow Taxi - Counting Crows featuring Vanessa Carlton
15. Milkshake - Kelis
16. Senorita - Justin Timberlake
17. Ignition (remix) - R. Kelly
18. Fighter - Christina Aguilera
19. Get Busy - Sean Paul
20. Bring Me To Life - Evanescence
21. Rock Your Body - Justin Timberlake
22. Trouble - Pink

23. Intuition - Jewel
24. Harder to Breathe - Maroon 5
25. The Remedy - Jason Mraz

26. Here Without You - 3 Doors Down
27. The Anthem - Good Charlotte

28. Never Leave You (Uh Ooh, Uh Oooh!) - Lumidee
29. Beautiful - Christina Aguilera
30. Drift Away - Uncle Kracker featuring Dobie Gray
31. Feel Good Time - Pink
32. Blowin Me Up (With Her Love) - JC Chazes
33. Someday - Nickelback
34. The Way You Move - OutKast Featuring Sleepy Brown
35. My Love is like Woah - Mya
36. Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous - Good Charlotte

37. Stole - Kelly Rowland
38. Calling All Angels - Train
39. Unwell - Matchbox Twenty
40. Boys of Summer - Ataris

Current Mood: joyful
Current Music: Craig David~ Unbelievable

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Oct. 25th, 2006 12:48 am "CHELLO" (esoog~)

I'm trying to wrap my mind around the reason or point of the concept of living in constant shame and guilt as many, way too many, Christians do. I do not understand it. I simply cannot fathom anymore the thought of a desire to be ashamed when there are such phenomenal and miraculous promises once in Christ. I am fully and completely eternally alive. Period. Why be bound by what our Savior conquered for us? I just don't get it.

Current Mood: hungryhungry
Current Music: David Darling

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Oct. 20th, 2006 12:19 am THE PISTOL...

just an excerpt from a short and simple (ha!) convo w/ Goose...

shannanana06 (11:40:11 PM): silly willy?
lilnics32 (11:40:34 PM): well
lilnics32 (11:40:37 PM): its...
lilnics32 (11:40:47 PM): sweet... in an odd way
lilnics32 (11:40:50 PM): makes me feel good
lilnics32 (11:40:59 PM): dont know why exactly, but it does lol

shannanana06 (11:41:06 PM): lol
shannanana06 (11:41:17 PM): well i'm happy to be able to make you feel good

lilnics32 (11:41:30 PM): u do a lot
shannanana06 (11:41:34 PM): but, i'm not so sure sleep wouldn't make you feel better at this poin than what i can...
shannanana06 (11:41:37 PM): do i?
shannanana06 (11:41:41 PM): hooow?
shannanana06 (11:41:48 PM): cause if i knew, i'd do it more

lilnics32 (11:41:54 PM): do it?
lilnics32 (11:42:03 PM): you're just you
lilnics32 (11:42:10 PM): there's no doing
lilnics32 (11:42:14 PM): you're being

shannanana06 (11:42:56 PM): wow.
shannanana06 (11:44:47 PM): i'm trying my best to believe you, but...
shannanana06 (11:45:00 PM): it just seems i should have to do more than just "be"...
shannanana06 (11:45:06 PM): makes me feel lazy. lol

lilnics32 (11:45:07 PM): no
lilnics32 (11:46:36 PM): you dont have to focus on the doing. Because of your being, you do; it's not the other way around. You're being forces the doing, which in turn creates you, who are.

shannanana06 (11:47:58 PM): right. i still feel lazy though.
lilnics32 (11:48:03 PM): right
lilnics32 (11:48:05 PM): you're not
lilnics32 (11:48:17 PM): cuz you ARE doing
lilnics32 (11:48:42 PM): you just dont have to focus on the doing
lilnics32 (11:48:57 PM): cuz you dont HAVE to work in order to please me
lilnics32 (11:49:04 PM): i've already accepted you

shannanana06 (11:49:25 PM): well, ain't gonna lie, that's pretty sweet. :-)
shannanana06 (11:50:19 PM): but. i'm currently keeping you from a good night's rest, am i not?
lilnics32 (11:50:20 PM): well really, we've embraced each other
lilnics32 (11:52:07 PM): so theres a strong connection that really cant be broken or improved upon (unless there's a next step to our friendship) by anything you do or do not do

shannanana06 (11:52:49 PM): are you sayin there is no way i could make you think less of me?
lilnics32 (11:52:55 PM): yes
lilnics32 (11:53:27 PM): absolutely
shannanana06 (11:53:36 PM): that's pretty amazing
lilnics32 (11:53:59 PM): yea, He is
shannanana06 (11:54:56 PM): goodness yes He is! i had a revelation the other night.
lilnics32 (11:55:18 PM): whats that?
shannanana06 (11:55:21 PM): simply: "i'm going to be fine."
shannanana06 (11:55:26 PM): it's the most simple thing
shannanana06 (11:55:28 PM): but it meant the world

lilnics32 (11:55:31 PM): with what?
shannanana06 (11:55:36 PM): life
shannanana06 (11:55:37 PM): everything

lilnics32 (11:55:52 PM): well why wouldnt ya be fine?
lilnics32 (11:55:55 PM): more than fine?
shannanana06 (11:56:20 PM): from school, relationships, career, marriage, kids, everything. He told me i'd be fine.
shannanana06 (11:56:30 PM): you may have noticed. but i worry more than i need to.
shannanana06 (11:56:44 PM): and He's been workin with me on that lately.
shannanana06 (11:56:51 PM): it's nice. =)

lilnics32 (11:56:53 PM): hm
lilnics32 (11:56:59 PM): well dang, i coulda toldja that one hun
lilnics32 (11:57:01 PM): lol

shannanana06 (11:57:06 PM): lol
lilnics32 (11:57:12 PM): but i guess He's got better timing ;-)
shannanana06 (11:57:47 PM): probably.
shannanana06 (11:57:58 PM): i think He's been trying to tell me that for awhile now.

lilnics32 (11:58:54 PM): by the way, those past 15 minutes of conversation...
lilnics32 (11:59:18 PM): could be... no no, SHOULD be paralleled in our view of our relationship with God
lilnics32 (12:00:09 AM): you know my quote... "you dont have to focus on the doing. Because of your being, you do; it's not the other way around. You're being forces the doing, which in turn creates you, who are." ??
lilnics32 (12:00:22 AM): change 'being' to 'faith'

shannanana06 (12:00:45 AM): right. i gotcha
lilnics32 (12:01:03 AM): THATS the whole of it-- of our salvation and faith and works
lilnics32 (12:01:18 AM): all we hear today are sermons on behavior...
lilnics32 (12:01:22 AM): not on identity
lilnics32 (12:01:37 AM): do this, dont do that, make sure you be good in this area of your life, stray from that...
lilnics32 (12:02:05 AM): Goose, you have accepted Christ as your personal savior... that means you're goin to Heaven
lilnics32 (12:02:13 AM): AND that you were given a new heart
lilnics32 (12:02:26 AM): AND that you have the Law written on your mind and that new heart of yours
lilnics32 (12:02:50 AM): AND you were given not only a new spirit, but the Holy Spirit too of course
lilnics32 (12:03:09 AM): AND you've recieved every spiritual gift in Christ Jesus
lilnics32 (12:03:20 AM): AND you're an heir to the throne
lilnics32 (12:03:29 AM): AND... AND ... AND...
lilnics32 (12:03:51 AM): the fruits of the spirit have GOT to exude once we learn and know and embrace our identity in Christ
lilnics32 (12:04:01 AM): THATS when the works will become cake
lilnics32 (12:04:12 AM): and we wont focus on do's and don'ts, but rather just love
lilnics32 (12:04:19 AM): i'm done now...
lilnics32 (12:04:29 AM): i would normally say sorry for continuing for so long
shannanana06 (12:04:34 AM): no
lilnics32 (12:04:34 AM): but i cant say sorry for this one
shannanana06 (12:04:36 AM): don't
lilnics32 (12:04:36 AM): too important
shannanana06 (12:04:44 AM): mmhmm
shannanana06 (12:05:00 AM): you are some kind of wonderful.

lilnics32 (12:05:16 AM): lol some kind
shannanana06 (12:05:28 AM): lol
shannanana06 (12:05:30 AM): yup

lilnics32 (12:05:36 AM): 'are you sayin there is no way i could make you think less of me? '
lilnics32 (12:05:41 AM): thats what u asked me
lilnics32 (12:05:56 AM): i gave an affirmative, and thats the truth
lilnics32 (12:06:08 AM): here's what those truly in Christ need to realize:
lilnics32 (12:06:16 AM): God says yes too
lilnics32 (12:06:41 AM): our identity is eternally hitched with Christ Jesus... with perfection Himself
shannanana06 (12:06:59 AM): goodness that's hard to grasp
lilnics32 (12:07:18 AM): hahaa i know! but it's freaking Truth and contains PURE JOY
shannanana06 (12:07:29 AM): :-D
lilnics32 (12:08:26 AM): there is none like Him
shannanana06 (12:08:33 AM): Amen!

Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Jay-Z~ Threat; Twista, Memphis Bleek, & Freeway~ Art & Life

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Sep. 22nd, 2006 12:46 am THIS JUST_IN...

Have you ever run away from something knowing full well that the journey you embarked upon commenced based on unnecessary fear?

Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: My Everything~ David Crowder Band

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Sep. 18th, 2006 01:50 am HUGS & KISSES...

This entry is specifically for Beth... only because she asked, no, TOLD me finish it. (All others may feel free to read it too, I aint holdin ya back!) Welp, Bethy, I finished it... I added another sentence to the mess :) My previous 7/27 ended with 'tide.' This ends with 'time.' Enjoy the COMPLETE poem Ms. Bethany Nicole :) hahaa... ha... hahaa... whew...


Your face is sketched into my mind, and your mind is etched into mine as we search for eternal sunshine. We try to unravel the cords of time but have stopped short, for past lines of a face we tried to erase manage to lie in our dreams; and we can't fake out the vicious lies that have made their way inside. We resurrect faded time to escape the shrine we erected in honor of a kind person at first but malevolent later on. But time flies, as do ripe passions and diluted truths, their fruit flying in the face of disaster and ending in a rotten taste. What comes after? More life. More pain and drama and lies and strife. More bitter people and hatred and pride. More fairytales and imperfection. More breast implants and liposuction. More judgments from preachers and more rapes under bleachers. More blind leaders leading and more children not reading. More of this life is our curse, its benefits getting worse; rewind to the decline and witness its birth. But I don't want to cry out to you in hopes that you'll agree, nor do I feel that time will set us free. Your eyes are in mine, and I can fly when you smile; yet, lies have crept in and vanity strives to beat us down and douse the flame and to survive while we try to find humility's tide. I wanna take a moment, a sigh, a breath or two or three, a second or five to recollect what I figured had been confined by that which I presently need: time.

Current Mood: indescribableindescribable
Current Music: Here I Am~ Shawn McDonald; It's You~ Taylor McCall

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Sep. 17th, 2006 12:34 am ELBOWS...

Hi Blair.



Oh yea-- somethin else..... you're lovely.

Yeah, okay. 



Current Mood: gratefulgrateful
Current Music: Boyz II Men

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Aug. 29th, 2006 03:44 pm ELASTICIZED.....

Awakened by the fourteenth bomb splintering across the pavement littered with corpses, I lifted my head off the park bench and searched the nearby trees for any limbs hanging around. The air raid still hummed in my ears, the propellers failing to drown out the insistent screams of hysteria and undeniable, uncontrollable anguish and suffering. I listened to a couple birds chirping and the rhythmical flutter of their wings as they thought of nothing but each other and their next meal. I knew if I closed my eyes again, even for a brief moment, I'd feel the warm splatter of blood upon my face once more, I'd see the mangled bodies strewn about, and I'd hear the babies' cries gradually degenerate until they are no more. I looked across the park to the fountain some kids were playing in and my mind was carried across the water to the children with holes in their heads; to the eight year old pleading on his knees for the General to spare his life before the bullet entered his brain and ended him; to the screaming three year old girl who was accidentally smothered by her own frightened mother in their hiding place; and to the ill, defenseless six year old boy with no parents who summoned the strength within to make one last stand before the barrage got the best (and last) of him. The beautiful, green grass--which held a volleyball game, a family playing cards and eating sandwiches, a spinkler under which youth ran and danced and laughed, a dog fetching the frisbee thrown by its master's hand--faded to a brown, withered and blood-stained field as I recalled the atrocities my dream captured for me. I was floating the whole time, merely witnessing the horror, understanding with dreadful realizations the true depth and darkness of man's depravity and inhumanity to man. The terrible screams, the lacerated deceased, the bloody living holding their insides, the artillery, the wreckage, the complete mutilation of body and mind... these are nowhere to be seen or heard where I am sitting, but I still feel them. I feel them. I am just on a park bench, but the aforementioned are in my dreams.

Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Serenity~ David Darling (cello)

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Aug. 26th, 2006 04:11 pm TO FEEL YOUR EMBRACE...

For dark is light to you, the depths are height to you, far is near, but Lord I need to hear from you...

Be near!

Current Mood: slightlysadslightlyfrustrated
Current Music: ShaneandShane

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Jul. 21st, 2006 01:55 am 7/27

Your face is sketched into my mind, and your mind is etched into mine as we search for eternal sunshine. We try to unravel the cords of time but have stopped short, for past lines of a face we tried to erase manage to lie in our dreams; and we can't fake out the vicious lies that have made their way inside. We resurrect faded time to escape the shrine we erected in honor of a kind person at first but malevolent later on. But time flies, as do ripe passions and diluted truths, their fruit flying in the face of disaster and ending in a rotten taste. What comes after? More life. More pain and drama and lies and strife. More bitter people and hatred and pride. More fairytales and imperfection. More breast implants and liposuction. More judgments from preachers and more rapes under bleachers. More blind leaders leading and more children not reading. More of this life is our curse, its benefits getting worse; rewind to the decline and witness its birth. But I don't want to cry out to you in hopes that you'll agree, nor do I feel that time will set us free. Your eyes are in mine, and I can fly when you smile; yet, lies have crept in and vanity strives to beat us down and douse the flame and to survive while we try to find humility's tide. 

To be continued... 



Current Mood: thankfulthankful
Current Music: "In Christ Alone"

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Jun. 8th, 2006 03:27 pm HONEY ON RITZ...

Youth is glamorized and constantly sought after, while the elderly are frowned upon and old age is a curse to avoid at all costs (many dollars included). It nearly pisses me off to hear someone afraid or nervous or embarrassed to admit that they're over 60 in order to get the 10% discount. And the heckling that comes from those even the tiniest bit younger seems like discrimination of the worst kind, even if the one receiving the butt of the jokes (verbal abuse) is laughing it off. It's as if wrinkles and old limbs and bad hearing are thought of as something within the control of the person they inhabit. Intelligence, memories & stories to share, sincere hearts & humor, and wisdom are shrugged off as trivial and irrelevant due to the view of the appearance of the person who contains such amazing qualities. What has a 20 year old gained or gone through that a 80 year old has not already obtained and experienced 15 times in his or her lifetime? Is it wrong to assume that, though academia now provides more opportunities in a shorter amount of time in order to prepare those who go through the system, the older ladies and gentlemen of this world still have more knowledge of life and its inescapable mysteries and nuances? No, I don't believe it is. I think I'm quite on the correct track actually as I think of the large fault in and fallacy between that small fraction of thought that represents the truth about old age and the opposing view of which most of society ignorantly holds. Cheap kindness is obligatorily given at times, but for the most part, we as a culture, the crazy melting pot that we are, have given the metaphorical finger to the wonderful, extraordinary elderly men and women that strive and die in our nation. May God bless them richly, with their beautiful gray hair, liberating laugh lines, saggy skin, and gorgeous, telling-a-thousand-stories aged eyes. Here's my less-than-lofty idea: How about we show them some damn respect? I'd venture to guess that they'd appreciate it quite a lot. :) Plus, we'll probably all come out better and cleaner and wiser in the end. Take care..... of them. Peace

Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: Celine Dion's "Falling Into You" album... hahaa

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Jun. 2nd, 2006 01:58 am EYE WIGGLES!

It's SO freakin good to be back out on the court again.

Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Concerto allegro moderato~ Stuttgart Philharmonic Orchestra

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Ate "with" Mama
NCAA football game (ps2)
Basketball down at the park (2 hrs-- was SO good to play again)
Lutz over
Chili dogs
Hockey (tv)
Hockey (ps2)
PB&J sandwich
Golf (ps2)

Current Mood: fullfull
Current Music: David Lanz~ Faces of the Forest (piano)

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May. 15th, 2006 04:24 pm LEAVIN THE MEAT OUT...

The enemy cannot trap and bind the believer who KNOWS and walks in the authority he or she has in Jesus Christ.

Current Mood: fullfull
Current Music: Deitrick Haddon~ Change is Gunna Come

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Apr. 29th, 2006 01:30 am REGISTRATION BEGINS...

I love accuracy, especially when that which is read and understood was written by me. Therefore, the point of this entry is to point out all of my past entries that I do not, and will not, agree with nowadays. This is for me more than anybody else, but please feel free to check out each entry to see what I would now argue against. Oh and remember, of course, that I don't disagree with everything in all of them; only most of the content in each. Ask all the questions you want, but most of yall probably won't care at all... and that doesn't bother me one bit. Just gotta get this crap cleared up for my sake. :)





http://it-wuz-luv.livejournal.com/23461.html (some of my comments, not the entry)

http://it-wuz-luv.livejournal.com/23140.html (shoulda listened to you, Codee)



http://it-wuz-luv.livejournal.com/4023.html (just the 'blanket illustration' thought)

Ba dee ba dee ba dee, that's all folks! (geez, I don't freakin know how to spell Porky's stuttering!)

God bless yall!


Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack

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